Drowning

I don't feel like I can do this. I miss you too much. I can usually hold it together during the day. But at night when I'm tired and don't have the energy to keep telling myself I'm okay, I fall apart. You should have been a week old today. Not a week gone from me. I just want you back. To hold your hands in mine and kiss your face. But I can't do that anymore. I know I should be grateful for the time I had with you, lots of people don't even get that. But I don't care what others have or don't have. I just want you here.
I'm going to see you tomorrow. I don't know how I'm going to handle it. I'll bring you a pretty pink flower. I don't know though. maybe you're tired of pink? Also I'm reminded I need to find a group to talk about you. I can't do this alone. I have daddy, but he can't do everything for me. He already does so much. Of course he's always willing to talk to me about you and let me cry. He misses you too.
Hey I finally finished the drawing of your name. Well the drawing was finished awhile ago, but I hadn't finished the pastels. Now I have. I read that channeling my feelings into something positive might help. I guess. For awhile anyway. I love you Jael.
Love, Mommy