Well I started writing about labor yesterday but I had to go to bed half way and tonight I'm on a different computer and too tired to finish. So today was Halloween. Usually not a big deal. Today started that way. Played with the dog, slept some more, read the Bible, got stuff ready to go out for the day. Went to Wal-mart to picture up some photo cards I made of you Jael. That way I could give them to the dr.s that were so nice and all. The lady there asked if I was your mommy and congratulated me. I said thank you and then she asked how old you were. I said you were born last Tuesday. I almost started to cry. After I got some of your pictures we went to an interview for daddy and lunch and then Dr.s. We gave the dr.s your pictures and they were thrilled. So that made me feel good. The dr. also said I was healing up just fine. That was good news.
Later we went to a store and I bought a hat that has a cat on it. Daddy said I looked really cute. Then we went to a friends house. We had yummy dinner and for awhile I wasn't too sad. I can't help it though. I just think about you all the time. I miss you. After dinner we sat outside to pass out candy bars. Seeing all the kids in costumes made me think of a cow costume that I saw that I would have loved to put you in. Not that we really do Halloween, but it still would have been cute. I was also thinking how nice it would be if daddy started a fire and you and he and I were sitting on the couch feeding and rocking you and enjoying being a family. So eventually instead of crying I decided to go inside. Then Tara,daddy and I went to the store and that helped take my mind off things. But not for long.
It was also a sad day because another person from church one year ago lost their little girl. Maybe you've met her? I hope so. I bet you've made so many new friends. I wish I could be there to guide you and see you grow. I wonder if you will grow while I'm away or if you'll still be my little baby girl. I guess I won't know until we meet again.
I still love you always,
Mommy
Monday, October 31, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
Today's the day little princess
Today's the day they predicted you would be born. October 24th. We've spent the last 40 weeks together. 9 whole months. It's been hard and it's been wonderful too. I would do it all over again for you. It's hard to know what to feel today. Part of me is tired and sore and glad that I won't be feeling sick everyday. But most mom's get to feel that without guilt because they get to hold their little ones in their arms and raise them and love them the rest of their lives. But I don't get to have you and hold you for that long. I don't know how long we'll be together. I wish I knew. I wish it were forever.
But I am comforted in the fact that I know the one who will be holding you forever. When you are no longer with me anymore, it'll be Jesus holding on to you. He is mighty and strong. But you don't have to be afraid. Because while He's like a lion, He is also like a lamb. He is gentle and loving and caring. And that's the side He'll show to do. He's the one who's been protecting you this whole time. And you'll get to see and experience so many new things. I mean I've done as much with you as I could, but there are sights and sounds and smells that even if you were on the earth for a time you would never see here. You know how you like the music at church, well you'll be hearing the most beautiful music and dancing around just like you do in church. There will be lots of people who want to meet you. And it'll feel like no time at all until we are together again.
So let me tell you about tonight and tomorrow. Tonight you and me and daddy are going to the hospital. They'll listen to your heartbeat once and put that machine on my belly to feel contractions-most likely anyway. Then they'll give me medicine to make sure you can come out nice and easy. We'll have some friends over too to chit chat and keep our spirits up. Then hopefully we'll be able to sleep, and that will be our last night with you swimming around in there.
The next morning they're gonna look at me and make sure things are good for you to come out. If they are then they'll give me another type of medicine. That's when it happens. I don't really know what you'll feel to be honest. But I'll be feeling what's called contractions. They don't feel very good, so if you hear me make some noises its okay, things are normal. And you'll be moving down and down and then suddenly out you'll be. Where I'm hoping and praying that you'll feel that air and give a good cry and breathe just right and they'll wrap you up and hand you to me and daddy. And we'll cry and tell you how much we love you and how glad we are to see you. No matter what happens though, know that we love you always.
Love your Mommy always
But I am comforted in the fact that I know the one who will be holding you forever. When you are no longer with me anymore, it'll be Jesus holding on to you. He is mighty and strong. But you don't have to be afraid. Because while He's like a lion, He is also like a lamb. He is gentle and loving and caring. And that's the side He'll show to do. He's the one who's been protecting you this whole time. And you'll get to see and experience so many new things. I mean I've done as much with you as I could, but there are sights and sounds and smells that even if you were on the earth for a time you would never see here. You know how you like the music at church, well you'll be hearing the most beautiful music and dancing around just like you do in church. There will be lots of people who want to meet you. And it'll feel like no time at all until we are together again.
So let me tell you about tonight and tomorrow. Tonight you and me and daddy are going to the hospital. They'll listen to your heartbeat once and put that machine on my belly to feel contractions-most likely anyway. Then they'll give me medicine to make sure you can come out nice and easy. We'll have some friends over too to chit chat and keep our spirits up. Then hopefully we'll be able to sleep, and that will be our last night with you swimming around in there.
The next morning they're gonna look at me and make sure things are good for you to come out. If they are then they'll give me another type of medicine. That's when it happens. I don't really know what you'll feel to be honest. But I'll be feeling what's called contractions. They don't feel very good, so if you hear me make some noises its okay, things are normal. And you'll be moving down and down and then suddenly out you'll be. Where I'm hoping and praying that you'll feel that air and give a good cry and breathe just right and they'll wrap you up and hand you to me and daddy. And we'll cry and tell you how much we love you and how glad we are to see you. No matter what happens though, know that we love you always.
Love your Mommy always
Monday, October 17, 2011
A good day
Well Jaelly belly today was our last amnio reduction! And you were perfect! I think you were napping, so you didn't try and kick or grab the needle. The Lord really blessed us because it didn't hurt like it did the last few times. I was able to walk around all on my own this time. Then we went up to our regular Dr. and he checked and said nothing much has changed down there. I observed to daddy that when ever this Dr. checks around down there it doesn't hurt as much as when we've had to go to labor and delivery and had the house Dr. check me. Daddy said it could have something to do with the fact I know our Dr. better and trust him so I don't tense up so much. I said well maybe...and he said, "it's basically someone walking into a room and saying 'hi we just met, but I'm gonna shove my hand up your whooha'." He's funny. And probably right. Something else I realized today is that I've never gone swimming with you, but really with all the fluid you have in there you kind are swimming all the time! But we did get you some more books so we can read to you lots this week. And daddy had the great idea of reading the Bible out loud to you in the mornings. We also got some books and a dvd about giving birth and breathing right for me. I have to practice breathing and relaxing every day because I tend not to breathe when I'm in pain.
I should also tell you that you're big day is going to be planned tomorrow morning. If you decide not to come out on your own this week you'll be making your debut either Tuesday or Wednesday! So there you have it-if you want to come out sooner that's okay. If you don't that's okay too. We just want to spend as much time with you as we can. You're so dear to us. Oh guess what you get to celebrate my birthday with me tomorrow. We'll have steak and potatoes and asparagus! Then the next day we have pho at Noggins. So lots to do this week, last minute preparations and the like. But I feel at peace. Just if you want to come out early-if you could wait a few more days that way I can read and watch the birthing stuff. Just an idea anyway :P I love you my little rough and tumble girl.
Love, Mommy
I should also tell you that you're big day is going to be planned tomorrow morning. If you decide not to come out on your own this week you'll be making your debut either Tuesday or Wednesday! So there you have it-if you want to come out sooner that's okay. If you don't that's okay too. We just want to spend as much time with you as we can. You're so dear to us. Oh guess what you get to celebrate my birthday with me tomorrow. We'll have steak and potatoes and asparagus! Then the next day we have pho at Noggins. So lots to do this week, last minute preparations and the like. But I feel at peace. Just if you want to come out early-if you could wait a few more days that way I can read and watch the birthing stuff. Just an idea anyway :P I love you my little rough and tumble girl.
Love, Mommy
Sunday, October 16, 2011
8 days little love
I didn't wanna put 7 days and 3 hours because then daddy would freak out :P But there it is. I almost thought you were coming today! This morning there was lots of contractions pretty darn close together. But after I ate and tried not to panic, I woke daddy up and asked him to rub my tummy because that usually helps me feel better and we watched X-men first class. It was enjoyable. We also timed the contractions and at first it was every 7 minutes, then every 8, then every 16 then not for 45. So eventually we all calmed down. Then I was finally able to sleep after not sleeping so well. I've noticed that-if I don't sleep so good this happens.
Anyway I'm a little worried for tomorrow. Thankfully it's our last amnio and I'm really hoping we don't go into labor. To tell the truth I want to recover from the soreness of that first. But if I know you, you'll come out when you want. And I must say I think I know you pretty well by now!
But right now I'm just trying to think of any last minute things we can do together as a family before you come. Let's see we've:
1. Gone to the zoo
2. Visited grandma and grandpa
3. Watched fireworks
4. Went to the farm and played with the animals
5. Picked apples and made (and ate) pie
6. Gone to the library and read books out loud
7. Shopping of course
8. Eaten lots of interesting foods.
9. We've celebrated Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's day, daddy's birthday, Easter, Memorial Day, 4th of July. The only things you'll miss are Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. And you aren't really missing too much Halloween wise, though I would have loved to dress you up for a comic con or something. And at Thanksgiving you'll get the best feast ever and at Christmas you'll get to meet our Savior-the reason we celebrate it!
10. Went to the playground and went down a slide, went on the swings, went spinning like crazy on the merry-go-round thingy.
11. You've been to 4 states!
12. You love church! (The music is your favorite part I think)
13. We've played patty cake and given you zerberts.
14. We've even sang to you a couple times-sorry I'm not really good-but at least daddy can carry a tune.
15. You've been to a bonfire and had smores
Now I'm trying to think of any thing else we can all do together. I'll have to ponder it a little more so we can add to the list if I've missed anything.
I love you!
~Mommy
Anyway I'm a little worried for tomorrow. Thankfully it's our last amnio and I'm really hoping we don't go into labor. To tell the truth I want to recover from the soreness of that first. But if I know you, you'll come out when you want. And I must say I think I know you pretty well by now!
But right now I'm just trying to think of any last minute things we can do together as a family before you come. Let's see we've:
1. Gone to the zoo
2. Visited grandma and grandpa
3. Watched fireworks
4. Went to the farm and played with the animals
5. Picked apples and made (and ate) pie
6. Gone to the library and read books out loud
7. Shopping of course
8. Eaten lots of interesting foods.
9. We've celebrated Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's day, daddy's birthday, Easter, Memorial Day, 4th of July. The only things you'll miss are Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. And you aren't really missing too much Halloween wise, though I would have loved to dress you up for a comic con or something. And at Thanksgiving you'll get the best feast ever and at Christmas you'll get to meet our Savior-the reason we celebrate it!
10. Went to the playground and went down a slide, went on the swings, went spinning like crazy on the merry-go-round thingy.
11. You've been to 4 states!
12. You love church! (The music is your favorite part I think)
13. We've played patty cake and given you zerberts.
14. We've even sang to you a couple times-sorry I'm not really good-but at least daddy can carry a tune.
15. You've been to a bonfire and had smores
Now I'm trying to think of any thing else we can all do together. I'll have to ponder it a little more so we can add to the list if I've missed anything.
I love you!
~Mommy
Sunday, October 9, 2011
15 days
Only 45 minutes of of 15 days. Then 14 days. Little princess where has the time gone? I mean of course I know tomorrow is 38 weeks, but to see the number 15 days...wow. There's a lot to do in a little time. Not all of it having to do with you. There's something I have to do that will be difficult, but it will only be worse if I wait until after you come. I don't look forward to it. I do however look forward to meeting you. It will be one of the best things that ever happened to me. I don't look forward to letting you go though. That's why I'm dreading when the timer is up. I'm also afraid that we'll have less time than even 14 days. If the amnio doesn't go well tomorrow again and they're worried that it's too much stress for you then I'll be afraid to do the last one. But there's danger if I just leave it off and wait till 40 weeks. I don't know what to do. But you are in the Lord's hands. I have to keep trusting that He'll guide me to do the right thing. I mean after all even though the amnio wasn't the best last week, you came through like a champ. I guess my worry is that it will weaken you. Now I'm just repeating myself.
Anyway you went to your first women's retreat. Even got some pretty pink pearls for you.Laid them right on my tummy for you. You also made a new friend. Her name is Willow. She's a little younger than you are, but she also has some problems. But when you get to heaven you'll have to pray for your new friend that the Dr.s can take good care of her. Though I think it would be wonderful if you two could meet in person. But if you can't I know you'll look out for her from above.I wish things didn't have to be this way. With everything that I am. It seems so hollow when I say that. Like its not enough. And it isn't. I can't even convey the words. Well it's officially 14 days now beloved. Time for us to get some rest. I love you.
Love,
Mommy
Anyway you went to your first women's retreat. Even got some pretty pink pearls for you.Laid them right on my tummy for you. You also made a new friend. Her name is Willow. She's a little younger than you are, but she also has some problems. But when you get to heaven you'll have to pray for your new friend that the Dr.s can take good care of her. Though I think it would be wonderful if you two could meet in person. But if you can't I know you'll look out for her from above.I wish things didn't have to be this way. With everything that I am. It seems so hollow when I say that. Like its not enough. And it isn't. I can't even convey the words. Well it's officially 14 days now beloved. Time for us to get some rest. I love you.
Love,
Mommy
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)